Words

Words;
Learnt and forgotten.
Mono-syllabic gestures
of now and what I am.
The Conundrum of knowing
too little or too much.
Wearing black
and pretending to be light.
Standing in shades
of their idiosyncrasies
and wanting to become them.
Traveling back from being
in a dream
and realizing nothing is worth your while.
Sitting next to your mother
while you love her and hate her at the same time.
Could it be? Tell me, could it be?
Words;
That were never yours,
that were never mine.
Misconceptions of being alive
and the feeling of hating your life
all at the same time.
And every once in a while lifting your head up
to the skies and questioning
'What now? Why this?'

24th September 2010

Untitled

In my train of thoughts
I cannot breathe
so I sit next to you
while all the lovers clap their hands,
shake their heads,
dance sporadically,
laugh uncontrollably,
and watch me with despair
shackled in fragments of my past.
Don't let them engulf me
in a hope to be young again.
Don't let my sleepless nights take over me.
Let's just not travel too fast,
too far away from our homes.
Let's just sit here for a while
until I have relinquished all my thoughts
so I don't weave dreams with my open eyes.
So all my fears are dispelled.
Let me just keep myself where I am right now
And I think... I believe I will be okay.

22nd September 2010

Letting go

I had been thinking your thoughts
and praying your prayers
only to come to a stand still.
Did you not look at our diminished memories
and point out the layers of our differences?
Or was it too painful for you my love?
You used to dwell among the curtains of my hope
and I used to carry ashes of our unreciprocated love
with no thoughts and no prayers of my own to accompany me.
Now it's only the music of recent shameful deeds
and I cannot seem to let go off the mediocracy of it all.
No, I am not dewelling and no I am not drowning
waiting to be punished
because I cannot think of you anymore
and because I am washing my hands with other toughtless acts.
Yes I must go through the storm first to see the clear skies
and let go off what you could not.

23rd August - 19th September 2010